Hugging and Kissing in churches???

Date: August 18, 2012
To: The Body of Christ
From: Aldwin Naruse
Subject:  Daily Devotional Journal
Re:  Hugging and kissing in churches

IS IT OKAY TO HUG AND KISS IN CHURCH?

Romans 16:17-18  (NKJV)
17 Now I urge you, brethren, note those who cause divisions and offenses, contrary to the doctrine which you learned, and avoid them. 18 For those who are such do not serve our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly, and by smooth words and flattering speech deceive the hearts of the simple.

Ephesians 5:6-7  (NKJV)
6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 7 Therefore do not be partakers with them.

Ephesians 5:11  (NKJV)
11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them.
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Matthew 23:27-28 (NKJV)
27 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. 28 Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.
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Luke 6:26 (NKJV)
26 Woe to you[a] when all  men speak well of you,
For so did their fathers to the false prophets.

2 Corinthians 11:13-15  (NKJV)
13 For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into apostles of Christ. 14  And no wonder! For Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light.15 Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also transform themselves into ministers of righteousness, whose end will be according to their works.

2 Peter 2:17-19  (NKJV)
17 These are wells without water, clouds[a] carried by a tempest, for whom is reserved the blackness of darkness forever.

18 For when they speak great swelling words of emptiness, they allure through the lusts of the flesh, through lewdness, the ones who have actually escaped[c] from those who live in error. 19 While they promise them liberty, they themselves are slaves of corruption; for by whom a person is overcome, by him also he is brought into bondage.

Mark 8:34-35  (NKJV)
34 When He had called the people to Himself, with His disciples also, He said to them, “Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. 35 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will save it.

Romans 12:1  (NKJV)
12 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.

Colossians 3:2  (NKJV)
2 Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.
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James 4:4 (NKJV)
4 Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.

1 John 2:15 (NKJV)
15 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

commentary:
Cultural consultant Peter Apo makes the statement that “how you greet people is totally personal,  even in Hawaii.” That is so true. There is no one universal way that dictates to the world what is the absolute right way to greet. Even in Hawaii, not everyone is comfortable with the “hug and kiss” kind of greeting. This might be the Hawaiian way, but many people who have lived in Hawaii for many years still choose not to hug and kiss as a form of greeting.

In the Star Advertiser Newspaper article titled “Incoming” written by Henry Alford dated August 7, 2012, he states:

“Social kissing might have evolved as a way for people to inoculate themselves against
passion, as well as to demonstrate their ability to rein in or even transcend desire,” said
Daniel Akst, the author of “We Have Met the Enemy: Self-Control in an Age of Excess.” Akst views social kissing as a form of “regulated infidelity” meant to stymie courtship.

Clearly, personal boundaries have been violated due to “regulated infidelity.” Many people have imposed their form of greeting onto other people and by doing so used it to satisfy their own fleshly appetites for lust or skin-to-skin contact. Churches do it all the time.

Today, many churches encourage hugging or kissing as a form of welcome or greeting to newcomers or even old timers. It is a practice that has been enforced and re-enforced over and over again so that if my wife goes to a church and she, as a woman, choose not to hug a brother in the Lord, then she is branded as “not having any Christian love or no Aloha.” In a church that encourages lots of hugging  and kissing between church members, one who withdraws from this form of greeting is almost ostracized. One brother in a church said to my wife, “well, in this church, if you don’t like to hug, we are going to have a problem.” At another church, the pastor called out my wife and said to her “in this church, we hug and kiss to greet each other. And that is why we have so many kids. You need to learn our cultural practice and we will teach you how.” This is after my wife had refused to greet him with a hug. What he was really saying to her was that “if you want to come to my church, you have to  let me hug your body. Translation:  Be a piece of meat for me.   And if not, don’t come to my church.”  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out.

My wife used to think it was okay to hug both men and women in church and that it was the “Christian thing” to do. She, too, bought the lie. However, she no longer believe that. She no longer hug or allow men to hug her in churches. I don’t care if he is the senior pastor. The word is the ultimate final word, not the pastor. Many men go to church nowadays because they know that this is the one place that they can legally hug a sister in the church and that he can get a moment of satisfaction just to be touching a woman’s body, chest to chest. After all, the pastor is not only endorsing it but encouraging it. So why not? What the church has become is a “meat market” for wolves in sheep’s clothing, and sometimes, that wolf is the pastor himself.

Sisters, wake up and smell the coffee. You do not have to be public property. You don’t have to submit and yield to the hugs. You are not a piece of meat. Rise up and separate yourselves from darkness. This is darkness.  It does not matter if the man is a pastor, president or pope, when men approach to hug you and you don’t want to be hugged, just simply say “no, thank you." If he insist on hugging you after that, it is called “sexual harassment.” I have had a pastor who imposed a full frontal hug on my wife. He pretty much just helped himself. And after the hug, he says to her “sister, you don’t know how much you blessed me today.” Translation here: “sister, you don’t know how long I have been waiting to rub my chest against big breasts because my wife is flat-chested.”

I shared with a sister regarding hugging in churches and how I am against it and her response to me was that she used to be uncomfortable with the idea, but she has learned to be comfortable with it.  Translation: “At one time, I did not want men to hug me, but I have learned to compromise my values so that the church will accept me and let me come back.” What this sister has done is yield to  unrighteousness for the sake of acceptance. And there are many “sisters in Christ” who are doing the very same thing.

“GENERALLY, YOU CAN intuitively sense whether an individual is protective of their
personal space. Typically, if a person doesn’t want to be hugged or kissed, then a hand will probably come up for a handshake. “ (Wu)

“Everyone’s going to do what’s right for them. Some people can accept the custom, and
some can’t.” And some people like to play it safe by sticking with the handshake. (Wu)

So why do some men still insist on hugging the women in churches?
Answer: Because they have an appetite for a woman’s body. Many men in churches are not as holy as one would think. Many of them are living in the flesh. And what is the flesh all about? According to 1 John 2:16, they are given over to “the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh and the pride of life.”  And many of the women in the churches are the same way as well, in the flesh. They want to be hugged and grabbed by the men. They want to be treated like a piece of meat.

No one in this world, no matter what position he holds, has the right to insist that others adopt his way of greeting, especially if his form of greeting is violating one’s personal space. Hugging and kissing between people who are not married to each other forms negative soul ties. And these negative soul ties turn into a stronghold. This is how addictions are formed. We cannot get enough of  it. It feels good to the body. It appeals to the sense of touch. When we are tempted by our own evil  desires (to hug or be hugged by a person of the opposite sex) and are drawn away (from God), we are then enticed by the devil. And when we can conceive it in our minds, we live it out in sin. When sin is fully grown, it gives birth to death (beginning with spiritual death). (James 1: 13-15) And this is exactly what the devil wants God’s people to do. Do not be deceived. Be wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove. (Matthew 10:16)

If you cannot go without hugs, then get married and then hug your wife or husband all day long. It is better to hug your spouse than to burn with passion.

Work cited
Wu, N., “In Hawaii, Greeting Vary by Situation” Honolulu Star Advertiser Newspaper,
Honolulu, Hawaii, August 7, 2012.

Public display of affection (PDA) in Iran
Iranian law forbids women to be seen in public with men who are not family members. However not all Iranians comply, and many meet their significant others in public parks. Now police have decided to put an end to the growing phenomenon and forbid couples to hold hands in public.

Ruzbahani said married couples were also called upon to "act modestly" in public.
http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-3462586,00.html

PDA In Egypt
Public display of affection are very taboo and you will get the attention of the police if you do it. They are always  looking for ways to protect a woman's honor.
http://www.expatexchange.com/expat/index.cfm?frmid=203&tpcid=3340116

PDA in Ancient middle east
Public displays of affection between people of the opposite gender, including between married people, are frowned upon everywhere more conservative values hold sway. Public displays of affection include activities as minor as hand-holding.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etiquette_in_the_Middle_East

PDA in USA high schools and middle schools
“It is banned in many high schools and middle schools in USA in order to teach social standards that the school's administration finds acceptable. This rule may also serve to protect the school from being implicated in sexual harassment lawsuits among students.”
http://psychology.wikia.com/wiki/Public_display_of_affection

PDA in Farrington High School, Honolulu, HI
Principal Al Carganilla, believes public displays of affection do not have “… a place (on) the campus. Parents wouldn’t approve of inappropriate behavior.” When he sees PDAs around the campus, he tells the participating students to stop.

David Antenocruz, head of security, said that there are consequences to those who do not follow a warning. What many may not know is that an act of public displays of affection is a class D offense in Hawaii’s Chapter 19 booklet. If people ignore a warning from an adult, they could be required to go through “counseling, detention, suspension,” according to Antenocruz.

PDA is not a new concern. 2002 graduate Maria Aparra Nasserghandi, comments, “You can’t put a leash on 1000 students. They can set rules or regulations in planners; however, other than that they can’t push them any further.” She believes that if a couple goes too far, “… they should be suspended.”

Other than Hawaii, schools worldwide have different views on students showing affection. According to an article from Time Magazine’s website, Megan Coulter, for example, an eighth grader at Mascoutah Middle School, in Mascoutah, Ill., received two after-school detentions for hugging her two friends, one boy and one girl. Her school had placed a ban on any public displays of affection, and she violated it.

In another case, the ‘Student/Parent Handbook’ at Glencoe High School, in Hillsboro, Ore. states, “School is not the place for long embraces or kisses. Respect each other and act appropriately.”